Et Tu, 2010?

So...2009. I can't kvetch too much, since it ended with a job for Dave and a house for us and even a darling little cat. Plus there were two "outside of Minnesota" vacations in there as well, and just the fact that we traveled regardless of our lives' chaos made me very happy indeed! But there was also more stress than I think I've ever had to deal with in my adult life so far. My hair was actually coming out. It was making Dave physically ill. Looking back I can see the positive. We learned that we can handle things, really bad stressful things, and rather than harming us they made us and our marriage stronger. I'm still amazed at how last year my marriage seemed a kind of difficult but graceful dance, me naturally taking a strong lead when Dave was spinning and Dave picking up the lead once my own legs gave out. I witnessed with pride how Dave handled with dignity a situation that would break most people, including myself. And I saw how after a week of tears and fist-raised-to-the-heavens I managed to spit polish my situation and smile again, back to planning a better future with a kind of optimisim I never realized I had. And yeah...things worked out "for the best" as they say. And yet I still feel the trauma, and figuratively continue to look behind me as if trouble is about it leap from the shadows once again lest I get too comfortable and happy.

So facing 2010 I feel kind of sick to my stomach. This is the first year I remember starting a year with negative expectations, a kind of "what fresh hell?" attitude. So far it hasn't disappointed. In the few weeks of 2010, Dave's mother has been hospitalized and is having a difficult time of it (creating a great deal of stress, worry and extra work for Dave), I've fallen and factured my tail bone (again, causing stress and worry for Dave), my mother's cat died quite unexpectedly and at a young age, and our car seems to be refusing to make it through the winter like it promised (or rather, like the mechanic promised this fall after its last repair). And there are ill omens of Dave's school possibly closing after this year and another difficult job search on the horizon...this time, with us having the additional responsibility of a mortgage to keep us awake at night. Additionally, I have saddled myself with perhaps the most insane schedule I've ever kept: full-time graduate classes, teaching an English course, and continuing my regular full-time job. Back when I made those decision I thought I could do it all. Now that the new semester is about to knock on my door, I'm so mad at myself I'd kick my own ass if it weren't for the sore tailbone. And the general state-of-the-world problems that weigh heavily even though they happen far away, like in Haiti.

So, 2010, let's hope that you're just getting all the really bad stuff out of the way early and will surprise me. Let's hope next year I'm looking back on you thinking, "that wasn't bad at all!" Or better yet, "thank god we won the lottery!" Surprise everyone with good things, 2010. I dare you.