Caleb Edward Topness Witkowski

There is not the leisurely time to blog I thought I'd have during my maternity leave, so I will make this one quick and shortish.

Things to know about Caleb:

1. He was born on September 23, the autumnal equinox
2. He's a Virgo/Libra cusp baby
3. He's a big 'un. Born just under 10 lbs.
4. He looks kind of like me, kind of like Dave, but mostly like a brand a new person
5. It is very cute when he's angry or frustrated (he waves his arms in the air and shakes his head back and forth like a puppy playing tug with a rope toy)
6. The kid can suck like nobody's business
7. He's very good at eye contact and has a firm handshake
8. He's got the cutest toes in the history of toes
9. He is happiest when cuddling
10. He's got his mom and dad smitten beyond words


As for me, I've already broken all of the promises I made in my last blog post, but have since reigned myself back in. The first few weeks home with Caleb were perhaps the most vulnerable of my life, so it was easy to constantly feel guilty and to feel like my life as an independent person was over forever. I knew that's how it would be...certainly heard plenty about the "baby blues," knew my horomones would be readjusting and making me a little crazy, knew that it would be a hard transition, and realized that recovering from an unexpected C-section would only add to those complexities. But knowing something and actually going through something are different. Dave, for his part, was calm, capable, and very happy right from the beginning...making me feel even more like an out-of-control mess. But he also kept me sane until my horomones settled back into their assigned seats. And he continues to keep me sane. I never thought I could love Dave more than I did before. Shows what I know!

And for myself, I've given up mourning my "real" life. I've decided to exhale and appreciate this new pace of life, where there is no boundary between day and night, where my time is spent in zen-like repetition of feeding, cleaning, bathing, dressing, and holding this little person who I so love but hardly know. I've decided to treasure this time when Caleb belongs to me more than he ever will again...before I need to share him with the rest of the world, before daycare, before school, before friends, before dates, before he has a whole life of his own in which I just play a part. This time is short, where he and I are our own world. And this time is going far too fast. So I hold him now without glancing at the clock. Just hold him. This warm little bundle is mine, and I think that's where my "real" life is really beginning.