I'm Still Here

Poor blog. Sacrificed in the name of "all other things that are going on." I shall attempt to revive you, however. Now seems like a good time to slap you across each cheek, check your pulse, and offer some food and water.

So, what's new? People who ask me that question are faced with a litany of things that -- to one not living it -- sounds if not like fiction at least like a vast exaggeration. And it's kind of sad when one's life starts sounding unbelievable to others. Most of "what's new" is good, at least. Some is stressful beyond words. And some are just regular issues, but heightened by their unfortunate proximity to "all other things that are going on."

The big news is that we've got a baby coming. Which isn't something either of us thought would happen, but did anyway. After Dave's mother died I think we both -- privately and instinctually -- realized the brevity of life and felt open to having a child in ways we didn't before. We never discussed this, but we became purposefully lax about preventing pregnancy. Still...we're in our 40s. "Leaving it in God's hands" to me really kind of meant "I probably won't get pregnant anyway." But I did. And really quickly. It's taken some time, but now we're both very excited albeit feeling overwhelmed like any first-time parents.

At about the same time we found we'd be parents (actually, only the day after!) we also found that Dave's estranged brother decided to contest their mother's will (which leaves everything to Dave). Evil brother has an opening because her will, unfortunately, is not signed. I can't go into this too much...it's a very painful betrayal coming right on the heels of Dave's grieving for his mother. It's also caused more chaos and expense in our lives than I can detail...it's cost us a great deal to maintain his mother's house in winter, there was a burst pipe that created an emergency situation, as well as endless frustration and time spent trying to maintain and insure property one doesn't technically own and for which nobody is yet named executor (due to conflicts around the will). So far estate issues have taken at least as much out of our lives as a part-time job and cost us about half of our savings, at a time when we're trying to emotionally and financially prepare to raise a child.

At about the same time Dave had surgery on his nose. In fact, right after his surgery -- despite doctor's orders that he rest -- he had to be at his mom's house moving boxes from the basement because of the frozen pipe incident.

At about the same time I was also working full-time, taking two graduate courses, and working part-time on my internship. As well as dealing with morning sickness and potential genetic problems in our unborn child (those tests and procedures turned out ok, by the way!).

At about the same time, Dave found out his school would be closing at the end of the year and he'd be out of a job in a matter of months.

And at about the same time, I found out my office was being reorganized and that we'd have additional job responsibilities and a new supervisor.

And yet...like Weebles of yore...after each push we've managed to right ourselves again.

Thankfully, baby is doing well. He'll be here in less than 2 months. His nursery is cute and we're very excited to meet him (yes...it's a boy). Moxie, for her part, is finding pacifiers the perfect kitty toy. And after a miserable and frightening first trimester, the rest of my pregnancy has been happy and healthy. I graduated with my second MA this May, which (finally) freed up some time for me to focus on preparing for parenthood. Dave's school closed but he found another (even better) job right away. And the upheaval at my job has turned out to be a positive change for me. So really...I need to be done with the complaining.

With the end of winter things have settled down a bit with estate issues, but a big court date is still on its way in October and the result of that could impact our financial future and make things even more difficult if Dave's brother wins his case. Either way, we'll be faced with an estate to manage and a house to sell or rent. The end to that ordeal is not in sight, but hopefully after a long fight even that will eventually right itself.

So, poor blog, that's why you've been left to languish. But I'm back, and ready to hopefully fill you with happy tales of parenthood and far fewer tales of woe.

1/1/11

It's not really 1/1/11 anymore, but this is the post I would have written on 1/1/11 had I been able to muster enough energy to hop onto the computer rather than laying around in bed with Mr. Charles Dickens (I'm just about done with Great Expectations, just to clarify).

Speaking of great expectations, what up 2010? What did I ever do to you? I did have some expectations of you...in fact early in the year I dared you to avoid sucking. I recall suggesting that a 2010 lottery win might be a welcome reward for enduring the nonsense of 2009. And I suppose that jinxed things because I'm pretty glad to see the back of you, 2010. I'm putting my money on 2011.

On the other hand, 2010 did bring some blessings...mainly in the form of keeping our foundation fairly stable. Dave and I are healthy (mostly), both managed to keep our jobs (this was, in fact, the first summer since we married that did not involve a job search), we made many improvements to our home, and endeavored to have fun together no matter what we were doing. I struggled quite a bit but did in the end manage to pull off the "full-time work, full-time grad school, part-time teaching" insanity, and admit I impressed myself by doing so. It's not a small blessing to realize you can do more than you think. And Dave received accolades on his committment to his school, and that, too, is no small thing. Furthermore this was a great year for books! I can't think of anything I read this year that I didn't love. And I got a cute haircut. And Moxie contributed cuddles and kept our home free from the destructive evil of her nemesis "laser bug." But probably the best thing to happen in 2010 was the show of love and support Dave received after his mother's death. Nothing makes me quite as happy as seeing those I love being treated with love. In fact, I think that was our lottery win this year...just realizing how blessed we are in our friends and family.

So perhaps you did come through after all, 2010. And I can bid you a fonder farewell.

But the pressures not off you, 2011...let's make this a good one.

Gosh...

It has has been awhile, hasn't it? I won't even bother with excuses, since it's my blog and I can come and go as I please, and I hardly have thousands of readers awaiting my every posting (although I do think of you, Cory, my most loyal reader!).

I'm starting to understand that drama may never leave our lives. At least I've reached a place where drama no longer undoes me as it used to. Especially after the last couple years, I'm kinda like "yawn....oh, ho hum, here are more unexpected hurdles to leap...yawn...well, le's do this thing and get it over with." Old hat, man. For instance, I remember when I first started graduate school and every class was chock-full of presentations and it REALLY freaked me out (as public speaking does for many). I recall once driving to class and wishing my car would careen off a bridge so I wouldn't have to give a 30-minute presentation on Russian Formalism. But by the time I was finishing my program you simply could NOT shut me up. Presentations? I'm all over that! Speaking at conferences? Let's go! And, of course, teaching. No problem. Sure, I still get anxious but after so much exposure I'm no longer afraid of public speaking. And I'm sure it's the same for everything in life. The more you do, the more you can handle. And that's where I'm at with the latest life drama.

Dave's mom died unexpectedly in early September. Her health had been suffering for a long time (she was in and out of the hospital and nursing homes since early January), but nothing that seemed life-threatening. We thought that she may need to move out of her house and into a senior citizen apartment complex, but that alone was the big "worst case scenario". I won't go into details, except to say that her death was the result of a number of freak occurances and was entirely preventable had she been taking better care of herself, following her doctor's instructions, and had any number of things not happened in exactly the manner they did. Dave was his mother's only close family, so the burden has largely fallen on him to deal with this. He's been doing well, but as anyone whose lost someone knows it's only after the immediate numbness goes away that the real pain begins. I know it will be hard. And after dealing with her death and funeral, we're now working with our lawyer to sort out her estate, which seems like it should be easy but is not because the person named as executor has died and for a number of reasons that's causing complications. And eventually there will be another trauma once we have to deal with the house; it's the house in which Dave grew up and selling or renting it will signal another big loss for him.

My advice to the world? Make sure you have a signed living will and you make sure everyone who may need it has a copy or knows where it's kept. If you have any kind of surgery, make sure that your loved ones know where all your important records are, and if possible have your closest loved one listed as a joint account holder so they can take care of your business if you cannot. If you have an old will, update it so your executor is a living person. Don't neglect your health. And end each conversation with the words "I love you," because you never know when you'll be speaking to someone for the very last time.

Aside from all that, we have had some fun. We were able to host a couple Halloween Parties at our house. Dave started a book club at his school. My graduate classes have been going swell. We've been getting together with friends and continuing with all our house-related projects. I hope it's been a lovely fall for you!

Staycation

Dave at MN Landscape Arboretum

Me at the Arboretum

Dave at Franconia Sculpture Park

along Gooseberry Falls hiking trail

Celebrating Independence Day

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So, it was a staycation this summer. Which at first sounded really fun, but turns out it's not quite as fun as going away for vacation. Nevertheless, since there are a few expensive things we needed to buy now and in the near future, we decided to lay low this year.

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The good:

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* Hosted a couple wonderful gatherings

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* Visited some fun places (Duluth/Gooseberry Falls, Franconia Sculpture Park, Walker Art Museum, Landscape Arboretum, Science Museum, Camp Ripley)

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* Tried some new restaurants (favorite was Burger Moe's on W. 7th)

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* Got halfway through the revisions on my novel

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* Created a paved off-street parking lot next to our garage, in an area previously occupied by an unsightly passage tomb (or, rather, a 5 foot tall dirt-mound of mysterious rotting items that certainly resembled a passage tomb)

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* Read Lud-in-the-Mist

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* Saw a couple good movies (Winter's Bone and I Am Love)

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* Did some painting (watercolor)

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* Watched the first season of Lost (yes, we're that behind the times...and are ok with that)

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* I had a lovely birthday

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The bad:

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* A staycation meant (at least for me) a constant internal war betweeen "I should be doing fun things" and "I should be getting something useful done," and no amount of compromise is going to make one feel good about however that precious vacation time is being spent.

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* The portmanteau "staycation" is irritating...and yet I continue to use it.

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* For the amount of money we spent on eating out and doing things, we probably could have just gone somewhere. Lesson Learned: even a staycation needs a budget.

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* Developed an even deeper hatred for those who reside in the duplex next to us. Why are they always home? Why are there so many children over there constantly? Why are children who don't even live there always hanging out there? Why is there never an adult to be seen?

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* It seemed to be 100 degrees and humid every freaking day.

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* Too much Menards.

Overall, the good outweighed the bad. And of course the best is yet to come....the State Fair! Oh, State Fair, you bittersweet seductress you! And I continue to plug away at the novel, inspired by the big chunk of work I did get done over vacation. And one of our staycation consolation prizes is a new computer, which will be delivered shortly and will make our lives so much more efficient! Yay!

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Hope your summer is going swimmingly!

80% Fun

Awhile back, I kvetched that I was only having 1% fun, due to a punishing schedule of full-time job, full-time grad school, and teaching college two afternoons a week. Now 2/3rds of that is over. So now what?

If I feel like watching TV or a movie, or reading a book, I can! Just because I want to! I don't need to plan book reading or movie watching around the Byzantine complications of my weekly schedule!

Speaking of which, I can read for pleasure! I've whipped through 5 books already since the end of May, and am reading Lud-in-the Mist right now.

If friends want to meet for drinks or dinner, well....I'm free! We don't need to schedule it two months in advance.

I'm reaching 80% fun right now. I'm worried that I may engorge myself with so much fun that it will make me sick, like a dehydrated person who needs to be fed water very slowly so as not to overwhelm the system.

But I'm not quite done with my adamant "let's do this" productivity, either. We have a house that's been patiently waiting since Thanksgiving to be fully unpacked and organized. There's a yard we're still scratching our heads over. Plumbing issues that can't be ignored (despite our best attempts). Piles of unwanted stuff that must be sorted and distributed to appropriate recycling/refuse facilities. Piles of wanted stuff that must be organized and tucked away. At least a half dozen technical/electronic items are knock-knock-knocking on heaven's door, so replacements must be found. And, frankly, there is a novel that must be completed. Remember my poor novel sitting there in the corner, barely surviving on a few crusts of attention? Yeah. I'm finishing it. Starting in July.

So while the fun is ballooning, I'm not quite at a place where I just wake up in the morning, stretch my arms to the sky, sigh with warm content and think "now, whatever should I do today?" There are lists. Kind of elaborate multi-functional to-do lists. But the difference is that this summer the deadlines are our own and not dictated by class schedules. And that's a sweet difference indeed.

Back to fun things. This past weekend was David Day! Nothing pleases Dave more than tank-viewing, so we went to the military museum at Fort Ripley where they have a supposedly rare Jumbo Sherman Tank. Now, to me a tank is a tank and I don't see much difference, much like to Dave one pair of black pumps is the same as any other pair of black pumps. But apparently this Jumbo Sherman is unlike other tanks in a variety of significant ways I can't remember, except that it's heavier. Whatever the case, he sure liked it...which is the goal of David Day.

After spending a couple hours at the museum, we came home and I made Welsh rarebit macaroni and cheese and a homemade banana cream pie for my man. I've never made a custard pie from scratch before (I'm used to making the kind that involves pre-made crust and jello pudding), and really...there's no going back now, even if it does take a couple hours and involves de-seeding vanilla pods. All banana cream pies must now meet this standard. I messed up the recipe in three different ways, and the thing still tasted so good that I couldn't even resist eating part of it before taking this photo. Didn't even need whipped cream. So yum.

Tomorrow is Terri Day, so I shall see what surprises await me.

Thanks, Former Owners!

When we closed on our house in late October, the former owners had a conversation that went like this:

"Should we tell them?"
"No, let it be a surprise!"
"Come on....tell them!"
"Do you think so?"
"They really should know"

I'm thinking....tell us what? About the poltergeist? The neighbor who practices their tuba at 5am Saturday mornings? The snake infestation? And yet...they seemed delighted by whatever this surprise was. Finally they revealed the secret: come spring, there would be a plethora of red tulips poking their fancy little heads out of the ground. And, in the photo above, you can see the result. They line the boarders of the garden, the sides of the house, and there are a few strongholds elsewhere as well, along with one non-conformist yellow tulip. Yay! Beautiful tulips our first spring there...and all we had to do to enjoy the bounty was a whole lotta nothin'. Well, except buy the house. But, anyway, thanks former owners! We'll forgive you for leaving piles of rotting wood in the garage and half-empty paint cans. We're even now.

Finally I have fresh flowers from my own garden to arrange in carefully-saved clotted cream containers:

And a perfect place to settle my Alice in Wonderland garden statuary:

Now we just have to figure out what else is in the garden. We've got a raspberry bush, and I discovered some mint. The rest of it...well, I guess more surprises to come.

I have a little speech prepared...

Thanks to my good friend and fellow blogger, Michelle (JoJo) at A Mid-Atlantic English (http://michelloui.blogspot.com/), for giving me a Happiness Award! Yay! An award! Her blog is subtitled "long term expat lifestyle" but it's a fabulous blog for anyone interested in travel, family dynamics, the ambiguities of our life choices, or basically anyone keen on beautiful, thought-provoking essays. I certainly enjoy it very much. Thanks, JoJo!

A responsibility that comes with this award is a list of 10 things that make me happy. I'm going to amend that, and rather list 10 things that made me (or will make me) happy TODAY.

1. The morning e-mail from my husband, checking in and telling me how he can't wait to see me later. It's so nice starting each day feeling like a newlywed.

2. Tide To-Go Stain Remover pens.

3. Someone brought in shamrock-shaped sugar cookies.

4. The alliteration of "shamrock-shaped sugar cookies" pleases me as well.

5. The anticipation of taking a quick walk by the Mississippi during my lunch break (for the first time after a long winter).

6. There are no meetings today!

7. This is a happy thing yet-to-come, but it will make me very happy when I get home from work and my new cat Moxie cuddles with such intensity that you'd think I just rescued her from a well.

8. I also like that when Moxie is done cuddling, she meows and taps me on the shoulder to get down so we can move onto the "treat" portion of our reunion.

9. Another yet-to-come, but it makes me happy that my heart still leaps with excitement when I hear my husband's key in the door when he's arrived home from work.

10. I am very happy that I ended up buying the Libery for Target comforter that I almost passed over.